What a peaceful image, Mary Lee. I'm sitting over a cup of coffee right now, letting myself open to the morning and I definitely have a feeling of things 'lingering." I love that word, by the way. Even saying it has a slow, meandering, not-directed-toward-a goal quality to it, that "ing" returns to "ling" after taking a side trip through "er."
Mine is an actual haiku this AM, and related to December, which is close to Christmas.
across the field shadows race from woods to fence -- owl declares whooo won
Love the photo of the dreamcatcher! Not a typical, full-on shot. Rather, dreamcatcher half-caught by the camera lens. I spent some more time last night exploring Unsplash, too!
Yeah, I like the third one best too. And I like either of your changes. I was trying to stay with five syllables, but maybe I do need to give myself a little flexibility.
What a peaceful image, Mary Lee. I'm sitting over a cup of coffee right now, letting myself open to the morning and I definitely have a feeling of things 'lingering." I love that word, by the way. Even saying it has a slow, meandering, not-directed-toward-a goal quality to it, that "ing" returns to "ling" after taking a side trip through "er."
ReplyDeleteMine is an actual haiku this AM, and related to December, which is close to Christmas.
across the field
shadows race from woods to fence --
owl declares whooo won
Love the photo of the dreamcatcher! Not a typical, full-on shot. Rather, dreamcatcher half-caught by the camera lens. I spent some more time last night exploring Unsplash, too!
You continue to surprise me with these images. Shadows "racing" from fence to fence." "Whooo won?" Love this.
DeleteYour "whooo won" is a fine bit of humor for the darkness of December!
DeleteI had to teach this morning, so I'm late writing today. I have two versions of one poem. Can't decide which one I like better.
ReplyDelete“In Grandma’s Kitchen”
Mincemeat tartlets not
my favorite but I love those
tiny fluted pans
© Carol Wilcox, 2015
OR maybe…
“In Grandma’s Kitchen”
Fluted tart pans
Hearts and diamonds much better
Than mincemeat inside
© Carol Wilcox, 2015
Mary Lee, I agree with Steve. This poem has such a peaceful, gentle, lovely way to start the day feel. And such a great simile.
ReplyDeleteStill messing around an hour later
ReplyDelete"Christmas Toys"
I'll pass on mincement
but those tiny fluted pans
are captivating.
(C) Carol Wilcox, 2015
I like this one best, I think. Maybe break the syllable rules a little this way:
DeleteI'll pass on mincement
but those tiny fluted pans --
captivating.
or
I'll pass on mincement
but those tiny fluted pans
captivate me.
This is what I love about revision+haiku. With so few words, you can try lots of ways very quickly!
Yeah, I like the third one best too. And I like either of your changes. I was trying to stay with five syllables, but maybe I do need to give myself a little flexibility.
ReplyDeleteLoving the interplay of poet to poet...
ReplyDelete